Such a beautiful day- billowing clouds and a fanatical wind kept her cool and content as the sun beat warm upon her upturned face. This was not the day she had imagined herself having.
Earlier that morning, she had loaded their 12 year old lab into the back seat of the truck for what she told him would be “an adventure “. His tail wagged excitedly as he attempted the short jump upward. As had been the usual of late, he missed his determined landing point, falling backwards to the pavement. “It’s okay”, she told him. “Let’s try again.” He so wanted to please her and she knew she couldn’t lift his 60 pound body adequately. So he lunged up and forward again, this time making it as she gave his backside a gentle push, creating the confidence he needed.
Rides were among his favorite things and this would possibly be the longest he had ever had. Rolling down all the windows and turning up the music for her sake more than for his, the journey began. As the 40 degree morning air made its way onto her body, she shivered. He, on the other hand, couldn’t be happier. With his head out the window, he sniffed the ever-new scents as they passed cow pastures then highway trucks and finally the all-too-mouthwatering smell of fast food chains baking their morning biscuits. He had not been allowed food since last night’s supper.
Settling into the curbside parking space, he watched with her as animal after animal came and went through one of four office doors. Silent he was- until one of “his kind” limped out onto the sidewalk. A handsome male he was. Roughly 3 years old by his size. His front leg was in a splint and his tail wove itself down and under his body. He was scared. And it showed. A very loud bark erupted from Wilson’s throat. And the puppy stopped dead in its tracks, turned and whimpered at him. Reaching over the seat to rub his head, she whispered, “That could be you being afraid! Show him how to be brave”. Wilson quieted himself and she rewarded him the privilege of lapping up the water she had brought for him straight from the bottle rather than from his bowl. How delighted he was to receive his reward!
All too soon, it was his turn. And to the technician’s delight, he waited appropriately while she fastened his leash onto his harness, then jumped out and went willingly with her.
The doctor came out to tell her that the physical exam had been done. As we knew, the infection was bad and without help through medication. Surgery, if deemed appropriate, would be needed. Or it could be cancer raging in his bladder. The only way to know would be the ultrasound we came for.
The doctor then asked her about his wheezing which had also been a concern of theirs. She learned that it is actually a genetic condition in older labs whereby the phalangeal tube begins to narrow. The doctor informed her that due to his current condition whereby his wheezing was advanced he might not be able to make it through surgery even if they decided to go that route. His breathing tube had basically narrowed to the size of a small straw. Their options were narrowing rapidly.
Hating to ask the inevitable question, she probed for other answers. Was an ultrasound even necessary? The doctor comforted her to assure that they would have answers if they proceeded. But the doctor’s major comfort was in telling her, “He’s a lab. He wants to please you so he rallies. But no matter the outcome of the tests he only has a few weeks to perhaps a couple months ahead where he will continue to deteriorate. “
She had to make the call. As per her conversation earlier that morning with her husband, she asked for the ultrasound to be performed along with a needle biopsy of the fluid in his prostate and his bladder. Then came the wait. Four plus hours to second guess her decision. Four plus hours to tell herself he was likely not going home with her. Four plus hours to pray for peace and for God’s wisdom rather than the wisdom of the world.
The wait began.
Six hours passed. And then the hardest moment ever came. Results of his ultrasound showed that further tests were needed. And surgery – which he likely would not live through due to his phalangeal paralysis. The decision was being made for them and she didn’t know what to do except the obvious.
While I really don’t need to relay more details, suffice it to say we miss him immensely. And I clearly have no way to end this post except with pictures of our memories with Wilson.
If you have lost a pet, believe me when I say that I know some of how you feel. Loss is loss. And pets become loyal companions. So now I’m smiling. Sometimes we don’t even realize that we need companions until they are gone.
We are blessed to have had him with us for 12 years. 12 GOOD years.
May God meet you where you are today. He surely has met us.
2 thoughts on “The wait”
Beautifully written. So sorry for your loss.
Connie, I was so sorry to hear about Wilson. I certainly remember how difficult it is to lose a beloved pet. Still, I especially remember all the good stuff like the extra snuggles when it stormed, or sneaking into the bed to make sure we were warm enough. I can see in your pictures how much love you shared, and that will never be gone. Thinking of you and Eric at this difficult time.