I’ve been reading and studying a book by John Eldredge titled Resilient. He got my attention with the first chapter when he said,” Mental fragmentation is one of the classic symptoms following trauma. Five minutes after brushing my teeth, I don’t remember if I brushed my teeth. I pick up my phone to text someone, and in the four seconds it takes to raise my arm, I don’t recall who I was going to text. I can’t stay focused on one task very long; I flit from thing to thing.”

I put the book down, staring blankly out the window across from my chair. He just described where I’ve been since June.

I thought I was suffering from sheer exhaustion. But because I tend to look at everything first through a spiritual filter (called the Holy Spirit), Eldredge’s words resignated deep within me. Not to mention his suggestion that the weariness of spirit I was feeling was actually an attempt by my enemy, Satan, to cause me to lose faith. And I was allowing the foothold he had gained to sap my strength. Eldredge suggested that the strength that prevails first comes to us as the strength not to quit.

I won’t spoil the good read for you (and I do encourage you to read Eldredge’s book) but I want to tell you that God is speaking to me directly through this man’s writings. Before I started reading it, I actually told my husband that I was worried that I was losing my faith….the very anchor of my soul….my saving, life-giving, keep believing faith.

I love Jesus with all that is in me. That I know above every other thing I doubt. So when my faith began to be attacted, I nearly panicked. “Your current emotional state – does it reflect your confidence that Jesus is absolute Lord of everything on earth, galaxies to governments? That his church is center stage, not the world? That Christ is going to get the final word?” , Eldredge asked. My gut hurt with my answer.

I began to realize that I am in this great big story that Jesus wrote and cast me in as a principle character, and yet I can’t figure out where I am in His story, or why He would even want me to be a part of HIS story! Knowing where I am in His story is critical for my survival, Eldredge writes. And my heart knows it to be true.

I’m still reading. I’m returning to my Jesus, weary of heart and soul, seeking and asking Him to revive me and to help me stop and get my bearings. I am especially asking Him to unfog my mind so that I can concentrate. And as I read His word, His story, and see my place in it, I am beginning a veryyyyy slowwww journey toward home again. I may be crawling, but I am returning and seeking the living water that will refresh my soul.

Eric and I are going to host a group in our home beginning October 10, 2023, meeting informally from 6:00 – 8:00. We will share a meal with you, share our story of why we are desiring this type of fellowship when so many other things are pulling on us, and we will pray and encourage each other not to lose faith….to find the strength that prevails.

2 Chronicles 16:9 says, “The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him.” I want to be fully committed to Jesus. Do you?

Come join us. I’m weary just like you. But let’s lock arms and bend our knees, asking and expecting the Lord Almighty to grant us this strength that He offers…to prevail.

~Blessings,

Connie