As soon as he could hold the saw and cut the base of the tree, the tradition began. Every year we tramped through the hills looking for the “perfect” tree. Once we all agreed on it, our youngest son was handed the saw. When he left home for college, he faithfully returned to “do the deed”. It was expected, after all. But it was also his gift to us … a gift of his time, and of keeping the tradition alive. When he married, he still came home for the tradition, bringing along his bride. And then….they began their own family traditions, and it was no longer convenient or practical to continue ours. And so, the tradition died. And yet the remembrance of his gift to us remains.

The adjustment to the “new normal” for my husband and I came gradually. After more than 30 years of the tree-cutting tradition (which actually began with our oldest son until he left home for college), we found we had to let go of that tradition and find ways to create new things to look forward to that revolved around the holidays, Christmas in particular. And so we fell upon the tradition of gift-giving that we had carried with us since we were young, and we stumbled into a trap we set for ourselves unknowingly… the trap of expectations, probably fairly described as more “ours” than”theirs”.

Gift-giving became obcessive, if I am totally honest. This tradition began in my life as a young child, at birthdays and Christmas,and the expectation of gifts grew as I grew. It was something that I insisted on as my husband and I had children of our own. After all, the expectation of the gifts to come and the joy of buying and wrapping seemed to take on a life of their own! And with the growing of age, came the growing of expectation – both ours and theirs. There were stockings to fill…and we went from the traditional apples, oranges and gum that filled our childhood stockings to filling our children’s stockings with socks, books, small toys, knives for the boys and jewelry for their wives. And of course we also bought gifts to wrap for under the tree…so many gifts to wrap and upwrap because that was the fun of it all! I loved seeing a tree full to the lowest branches with wrapped surprises that awaited everyone and took the better part of the day to unwrap. Expectation became the companion of excess, and excess became the companion of frustration as we tried to monetarily keep up with the expectations that we had created over the years. And in complete fairness, this was really not something our children came to expect as much as it was something that I insisted upon.

This year, in particular, I have been challenged in my way of thinking on this subject. This year, in particular, it has become apparent to me that my excessive giving in the past was actually a form of pride. I loved that we gave and gave big. For afterall, I grew up in a family of huge givers. This was the life I knew!

But throughout the years, I cameto realize that it wasn’t just gifts wrapped in pretty paper that got my attention. The gifts, I began to realize, that had meant the most to me over the years were the times we were all together as a family….Christmas Eve hikes, bonfires and s’mores as we huddled together and “talked story”, times when we were able to help our children out with house projects, or when they helped us with the same. There were times when our children were young that my parents came to paint our entire house with us, and times that we spent sitting at the bedside of my mother-in-law as she suffered the clutches of cancer, hearing stories of her childhood that we so longed to hear her recount again and again. These, I came to realize, were the greatest physical gifts we had ever been given, or that we ever gave of ourselves.

Recently, as I drove home from a wonderful visit with my son and his family, the fire inside me began to burn. I was surprised to realize that it was anger that had begun to whell up in me. Anger associated with non-monetary gifts I had recently given that I suddenly felt I should be thanked for….gifts of my time and energy that I had freely given. Gifts given because no one asked for them. Gifts given simply because my heart wanted to give them. And the realization also came that I had been thanked, just not in the way I expected. Oh, how quickly I began to pray and ask God’s forgiveness for my pride! And oh, how quickly the Holy Spirit aided in my thought processing…

Ever so gently, I was reminded that the greatest gift EVER given came to us from God. God so lovingly gave to all of us the free gift of His only Son. That gift, although received by only a few as we scan the entire globe, has often left God with little to no thanksgiving.

For some, Jesus has simply been received, and then put in a corner of the heart without hardly another notice. And then others have chosen to totally reject the free gift altogether, waving it away with declarations that they can do just fine without Him. But still, God gave. A rare few have received the gift of Jesus, and then celebrated Him every day of their lives, thanking God for His indescribable gift of love.

Those reminders as I drove stopped my complaining and desire for attention and appreciation from those I had given to. I mean….the thoughts of truth stopped me. Stopped my selfish complaining. Stopped my expectations of praise for something I gave from the desires of my own heart to do. And then my thoughts turned into continuous praise to God for what I have often failed to give thanks for.

Jesus. He is the way, the truth and the life. For all who believe. For all who receive Him into their hearts. He comes freely to those who ask Him to come. He abides in us who believe. He flows out of us, enabling us to give of ourselves to others….without expectation of anything in return. Why? Because that is just Who He is.

For it is the God who commanded light t0 shine out of darkness, who has shown in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.” 2 Corn. 4:6

This Christmas and into the coming New Year, my prayer is that I give more than I receive. And that the gifts I give are those that bring life, and light, and joy to the recipient. Not monetary treasures. Not fleeting gifts that will fade with time and age. Truly, my prayer is that I both give and learn to receive gifts given from the heart of the giver…time, selfless service, words of acceptance and love. And most especially, that each of us may understand that God gave the greatest gift ever given….Jesus, God’s Son…so that through faith in Him we may live eternally with God. Forgiven. Free. Accepted. Loved and beloved children. Heirs with Jesus Christ.

This is my prayer for us all.

Amen (so be it).

~Blessings,

Connie